Scientists Discover Democrat with Fully Functioning Brain

November 16, 2010

In a shocking discovery, a Democrat has been uncovered who exhibits all the signs of a fully functioning brain.  Chuck Schumer, senior Senator from New York, proposes to raise the top marginal tax rate on households above $1 million rather than the $250,000 currently proposed.

The 98% of Americans not making $250,000 a year know that is a shitload of money.  If they did the math, they’d discover that repealing the Bush Tax Breaks For The Rich will cost affluent families only a couple of thousand bucks more in taxes.  A sum that ordinary Americans would gladly use to:  get new brakes / pay for the kids’ braces / fix a leaky roof / make next month’s mortgage. (Pick just one.)

But the GOP has been making serious hay by insisting that most families with incomes over a quarter million dollars are in fact small businessmen who won’t be able to create jobs if those extra two grip are seized by Imperial Stormtroopers the evil Feds.

Schumer’s proposal pulls the rug out from under the feet of these oligarch-coddlers.   Taking the bait, the GOP has already reflexively defended millionaires.  Schumer’s end-around is brilliant, it’s unassailable, it’s perfect.

Mark Warner, another seemingly sentient Democrat, “proposed ending the tax cuts for wealthier individuals and redirecting that $65 billion into new business tax cuts aimed at spurring private sector investment.”

Surprisingly, repealing the Bush Tax Breaks For The Rich is opposed by the full spectrum of Democrats, from ultra-prog Raul Grijalva to Blue Dog Bryan Dorgan, who said,

“I do hope that those who decide to affix labels to various positions might well understand that to borrow a substantial portion of money to provide tax cuts when the country is up to its neck in debt is not a conservative position. It just is not.  And to suggest that we have fewer extensions of tax cuts for the upper-income people so that we don’t borrow money to add to the federal debt, that is not a liberal position. It just is not.”

Unfortunately, beloved children’s author President of the United States, barack obama, already caved to GOP demands to keep the Bush Tax Breaks for the Rich as fast as you’d expect from a cheap corporatist whore.  In fact, he’d already conceded by postponing a vote until after the mid-terms.

Maybe the Democrats should consider running a dolphin in 2012.

(c) 2010 by ‘tamerlane.’  All rights reserved.